Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
