She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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