im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
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