I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
