Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize
