Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Randomize
