I wish I could teleport
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
