Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
