WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
