tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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