she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
