on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
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