There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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