She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I'm just crazy horny about you
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
