you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
