i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Randomize
