they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
