The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
