i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
