it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
All the doctor said was why
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
