Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I can't turn off my feet"
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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