Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
