A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
