wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
dude i'm inner monologue high
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
