I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Randomize
