i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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