she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
