I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
