Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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