My pussy is not your playground.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I wish there were birth control emojis
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
