1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Randomize
