Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
