He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
