You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
