i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
