i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
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