guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
