just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
