My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
