i think i have herpe
just one?
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
