I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
