dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
I checked into jail on foursquare
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Randomize
