Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
