i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
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