Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Randomize
