i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
