btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
