And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
