i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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