Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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