My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
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