Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I CAN MOONWALK!
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Randomize
