Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
