I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
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