Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize
