we're chasing vodka with high fives
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
