Please, let me fuck your mom
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
His nipple licking is glorious
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